Somewhere in the fucked up confusion of his memory, Eren remembers it too, the sound Jean's thumb made against the wound, the sound Eren himself made in response. Back before, when he was more present, he'd once asked Jean what the fuck was wrong with him. He imagines (maybe incorrectly) that they both know Eren is worse.
He always wonders if he couldn't heal, would he still feel like this? He kind of thinks he would. His masochistic streak isn't related to his healing factor. It just means he doesn't have to stop.
It's never dulled the pain of injury. He can heal, but he can also feel. As things got worse in his head, that was the thing that he really sought out, the bright points of pain that made him unable to be anywhere else. Pleasure can do the same, he's aware. He likes that too, but...pain is something different.
Eren hasn't reached his full height, but he'll never be as tall as Jean. He hopes he will, but for now he still has to look up to look Jean in the face before he ever ends up on his knees. Jean's hand grips his face and he does look up, gaze catching on Jean's mouth before making its way up to his eyes.
If he saw it coming he might resist because he's Eren and he can't just do things. He's always got to push against everything he can, even when it's ostensibly something he wants. But with Jean especially, the lingering friction they had when they were a little younger drags this bullshit defiance out of him.
He doesn't see it coming, and Jean's kick knocks his legs out from under him. He falls almost clumsily like a fawn, wobbly and unsure. It makes the way he hits one knee jarring and he winces but clenches his jaw against sound.
There's still that hard resistance from his clenched jaw at first when Jean pushes him.
"Maybe," he answers, lips parting then for Jean's thumb against them. It's as much bullshit as anything. He doesn't enjoy murdering human beings. There are some he doesn't regret or doesn't care about (the ones today, he doesn't particularly care), but he's not so far gone that he likes doing it. He doesn't even really like killing titans anymore, though now there are almost none left on the island, and Marley got wise enough that they haven't damned anyone else to that fate in awhile. Better to use them as canon fodder in their war than leave them on the island these days.
Still Eren somewhere at heart, he almost bites down. Well, he does bite down a little, the hint of a threat, teeth scraping the digit in his mouth. He doesn't really mean it. He bites when he thinks less; that's how he leaves marks. This is just goading because he can.
no subject
He always wonders if he couldn't heal, would he still feel like this? He kind of thinks he would. His masochistic streak isn't related to his healing factor. It just means he doesn't have to stop.
It's never dulled the pain of injury. He can heal, but he can also feel. As things got worse in his head, that was the thing that he really sought out, the bright points of pain that made him unable to be anywhere else. Pleasure can do the same, he's aware. He likes that too, but...pain is something different.
Eren hasn't reached his full height, but he'll never be as tall as Jean. He hopes he will, but for now he still has to look up to look Jean in the face before he ever ends up on his knees. Jean's hand grips his face and he does look up, gaze catching on Jean's mouth before making its way up to his eyes.
If he saw it coming he might resist because he's Eren and he can't just do things. He's always got to push against everything he can, even when it's ostensibly something he wants. But with Jean especially, the lingering friction they had when they were a little younger drags this bullshit defiance out of him.
He doesn't see it coming, and Jean's kick knocks his legs out from under him. He falls almost clumsily like a fawn, wobbly and unsure. It makes the way he hits one knee jarring and he winces but clenches his jaw against sound.
There's still that hard resistance from his clenched jaw at first when Jean pushes him.
"Maybe," he answers, lips parting then for Jean's thumb against them. It's as much bullshit as anything. He doesn't enjoy murdering human beings. There are some he doesn't regret or doesn't care about (the ones today, he doesn't particularly care), but he's not so far gone that he likes doing it. He doesn't even really like killing titans anymore, though now there are almost none left on the island, and Marley got wise enough that they haven't damned anyone else to that fate in awhile. Better to use them as canon fodder in their war than leave them on the island these days.
Still Eren somewhere at heart, he almost bites down. Well, he does bite down a little, the hint of a threat, teeth scraping the digit in his mouth. He doesn't really mean it. He bites when he thinks less; that's how he leaves marks. This is just goading because he can.