crime and punishment (@dreamsofwings)

[neighsaying]

At the rate this is going, Jean almost thinks he's going to have to start cutting Eren's feet off before they ride out on missions.

Ever since they came back from Liberio - specifically, that party with the refugees - Eren has been different. If Jean is honest with himself, he was different before, but it's like the change has hit an exponential runaway point now. Armin's plans (and his) usually account for some amount of flexibility when they involve Eren. He's always been impulsive and hotheaded, and up to a point he'll try to work with them before he can't anymore.

Lately?

Lately it's like Eren's not even attempting to play along with the mission guidelines. He spends longer in his Titan, too - it's not as easy to wait his ass out when he can spend an extended period of time in there. Jean never thought he'd be hating Hange's endurance training for its results.

This time it was a Marleyan scout ship. They were supposed to capture those, give people a chance to defect, and instead everyone inside is dead. Crushed, by Eren's collapsing the ship like a child's accordion, or drowned when he threw it back out into the fucking ocean.

Everyone is tense. Jean's pretty sure he's about to see white hairs start showing up in Levi's hair. Eren is silent at dinner, despite the talking down from their Commander and Captain in turn. Eren isn't technically a part of any squad, but organizationally he's under Jean's, with Sasha and Connie. So when they're finished (Jean's not even sure Eren ate?) he clicks his tongue at Eren as he gets up.

"Jaeger. My tent."

Eren doesn't move. Just in case he thinks this isn't the flimsiest little setup it actually is, he grabs the hair at the back of Eren's head, fisting it in his hand and ignoring Sasha's mildly alarmed look as he tugs his head back, forces Eren to look up at him.

"Eren. Now."

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[dreamsofwings]

It isn't as simple as Eren not paying attention to what he's doing; he couldn't crush a ship on accident. He just…well, what's the point? They're all going to die anyway. Not in the sense that everyone eventually dies, but in the sense that Eren is going to kill them. Does it matter if it's today or later, crushed like an accordion or stomped into pulp like grapes for wine?

But he gets caught in that, the gruesomeness of it. There still isn't another solution. That trip to Liberio…seeing those kids, knowing what happens to them…not to mention hearing people literally debating whether Eldians count as people…it's too much. He can't stay here with his friends. If he does nothing, these people, Jean and the others who he loves too much, will die.

The other option is everyone else dying. Even if it's objectively better for the islanders to go extinct, he can't abide by that. He has to leave, find Zeke, get the answers he doesn't have yet. The Rumbling. The end of the world. Eren, the monster who will destroy everything, just like people have accused him of being before, just like Marley fears he is.

He's not quite ready to live up to that, but he's right on the edge of it. He still doesn't quite know when, but it has to be —

Jean's hand tight in his hair slams him back into the preset. His blank expression morphs into a frown, unfocused eyes honing in on Jean above him. He knows this arrangement, but does that make him less of a pain about it? Of course not. Somewhere underneath his lies and confusion and horror, he's still Eren.

He thinks about arguing. It's there on his tongue for a moment, some scathing remark that will start a fight (or…not…) right here in front of everyone. But something on Jean's face quells that urge. Eren doesn't really want to fight with Jean. That's just familiar, the part of him that is always fifteen ready to just be an asshole because he can't deal with emotions.

The part of him that is this age also can't deal with emotions, but you know.

"Fine, let me go," he says. Easier to walk if he gets up on his own. Less embarrassing, too, both for him and for Connie staring into his cup and pretending not to see them.