I don't know either.

[ it's still confusing, even now. were there signs, was there something he missed? or was alex always like that and dolph had just not seen it? either way, it's a circuitous thought that offers no reprieve. alex is dead. no amount of love or regret will bring him back. ]

I think he just didn't believe we could make it. Or he saw how others suffered under Eden, like I had, and it was too much to bear.