neighsaying | inbox | labyrinthum

[ For the first time, Jean lies.

It's a lie of omission, of course; they can't control when they arrive and when they leave, short of fulfilling that wish. He knows they can't; he's read enough about it now.

Instead, he holds Eren tighter. ]

We won't. We can stay here, forever.

[ In truth, neither of them might believe it. But it's a nice lie. ]

[ The anger is still there, burning bright and making her angry, frustrated, but Jean is soothing the edge of the blame. Rather than wanting to go and throttle their former commander, Mikasa has decided she would settle on hitting him, which is at least a little better.

She's fighting herself now, to stop the tears coming. She refuses to let them fall, to keep crying. She cannot let herself fall apart because of someone else's idiocy.

Head resting on Jean's chest, she breathes in and out, the sound laboured, tortured. ]

It's not fair.

[ Why can't they just be happy? ]

[Jean's thinking is correct. Eren knows just as well as he does that no one can control when they enter or leave this place. It doesn't matter. The lie is a balm, and Eren's body finally relaxes, laying heavily back down against Jean again. He's exhausted, but something tells him he won't be able to sleep.

[Only hours ago, he'd still been hell bent on going home. Then his life got turned upside down.

[He doesn't speak again; just rubs his nose into Jean's shirt and clings ever tighter.]

I should have known.

[His voice is broken, weak - but there's anger too. The gritting of teeth, the clenching of fists against Jean's back. He wants to kill him - kill that stupid bastard in the most painful way possible. He wants Reiner to feel how it felt to watch Eren's mother be eaten alive. He wants to rip him apart from the inside out. He wants him to suffer.

[And he wants him close. He wants things to be the way they were. He wants that big brother feeling back; Reiner was the closest thing he had. He wants to see him as a hero, not a villain. He wants none of it to be true.

[At Jean's question, he shrugs miserably.]

I don't know. Who cares? It doesn't matter. [It's beginning to feel like nothing matters anymore.]

[ He shifts one hand to brush through her hair - it's something he's done with Eren, too. Lets the silky strands of her hair glide between his fingers, letting his palm stroke over the crown of her head. ]

It isn't. None of what's happened is.

[ He doesn't just mean here, he means at home, too, even if that was Eren's wish in the end. He wishes they could just be happy. That he wouldn't have to worry about what happens next, or what fight they'll have to endure. ]

[ The touch is comforting, just enough that Mikasa can accept it without flinching away. There are so few people she trusts to get this close, and Jean... He's right there, near the top. ]

I don't want to keep going this.

[ Remembering it, reliving it, explaining it. What if someone else comes and they have to share it all? She's supposed to be the strongest, but she isn't, not really. ]

[ He knows Mikasa is touch averse - or touch averse in a way because she needs to hold herself together, and being soft would make it harder to do that. Jean's always been someone to rely on physical reassurance, now - blame Reiner during their cadet days for entrenching the value of a hand on an arm or shoulder - so he has to balance that with her.

He's always paid attention to what she allows and doesn't. ]

You don't have to.

[ He resolves if someone does show up, he'll break open his chest to explain it this time. ]

The cat's out of the bag, now. We just have to make sure he's okay, and be there for him.

[ Jean lets himself sag back against the couch, gently tugging Eren with him so that he's leaning against Jean.

Fuck, today was already hard enough, and Erwin had to go and do - well, the right thing, Jean's aware. But the thing he and Mikasa were trying to work up to.

(Would they ever have told Eren? Even Jean's not sure, if he's honest).

Holding Eren is as much a comfort for him as it might be for his younger friend. He doesn't try to talk again, so they sit there, in silence. ]

It does matter.

[ Jean decides laying down is the option, and instead of the floor he lifts Eren up - hooking an arm around his waist and one around his back, hauling him up against his shoulder and carrying him to Jean's unused bedroom. He's got some extra clothes hanging around here but so far that's it.

He flops Eren onto the bed and then crawls on after. ]

How the fuck were you supposed to know anything about Reiner, huh? Were you gonna compare hairstyles between the Armored Titan and him?

[ It should surprise her, how well Jean knows her, but she doesn't dwell on it. Of course he knows her, after all the years they've spent together, and all she can do is nod her head as he speaks, agreeing as she tries to find her voice again. ]

Okay.

[ Nodding her head, she gazes down at the ground. ]

We'll deal with it tomorrow.

[Eren starts a little when he's lifted up, tempted to struggle; really, he's too exhausted for that. It's a little embarrassing, having Jean of all people cart him around like this, but it should also be embarrassing that he's broken down sobbing on the man as many times as he has since arriving. He resigns himself to being carried, and he doesn't protest when Jean climbs into bed with him. He doesn't outright cling to him either, but at least he isn't shoving him away.

[All he can manage to mumble is:]

Ugly bastard...

We will.

[ He doesn't add a cheeky 'no putting it off', but she won't do it alone. Now, he moves his hand back to her shoulder, giving it a squeeze. ]

Come and help me with dinner. We'll see if I can make something to perk him up.

[ Probably not, but Jean has to try. ]

Edited 2023-12-16 04:01 (UTC)

Reiner's not ugly and you know it.

[ He's not going to debate the fuckability of the Armored Titan here because he's supposed to be terrified of him, but it was kind of fun, in a distant way, to use Reiner like a launching pad.

Since Eren doesn't cling, Jean doesn't wrap his arms around him. But he does lay on his side, one arm bent so he can prop his head on his hand and watch Eren, their legs touching. ]

If you were going based on attractiveness then Shadis would have been my first guess.

[Jean's damn right that Eren knows it. He's had a crush on Reiner since the day they met, but of course, that all feels tainted now. Still, Eren doesn't stop loving when hate makes its entrance; it only gets worse. He doesn't find Jean's joke very funny, but the attempt to cheer him up isn't lost on Eren.

[He nudges Jean with one of his knees, muttering:]

Shut up. I meant his titan...

~~[Which is also just objectively incorrect. Have you seen that armored cake? Be serious.]~~

[ Jean will let Eren diss the Titan form since he's feeling so bad. ]

I mean, yeah, there's almost no skin on it. You wanna get with someone who doesn't have skin on most of their body? Kinda gross.

[ Jean nudges Eren's knee back, a little harder. ]

[Eren nudges Jean's knee back, much harder. He's always been one to take things a little too far - especially with Jean.]

What are you getting at? It's not funny. [And yet, he doesn't really sound angry. Jean's attempt at distracting him might be working. Just a little bit.]

[ At this point they're just playing angry footie with their knees. Jean hooks an ankle around Eren's so he can't knee him back. ]

Come on, it's kinda funny.

It's not funny.

[He hooks his arm around Jean's head, attempting to shift enough that he can place the older boy in a headlock.]

You're just a jackass.

And you're a hothead!

[ He hooks his arm around Jean's head but Jean's got the experience actually fighting people to put his hand where Eren's elbow is, keeping him from closing it around his head.

If Eren wants a wrestling match, he'll get one. ]

[There are no rules to this wrestling match. Eren cranes his head and chomps down on Jean's shoulder. It's a gentle bite, but he's got sharp teeth. He hopes it stings at least a little - or makes Jean jump. Either one would be satisfying.]

[ It sure makes Jean jump. Makes him jump them right into rolling off the bed, hitting the ground with a loud yelp.

#boys ]

[Naturally, Eren's hubris has caused not only his friend to suffer, but himself as well. Jean's legs are locked around his; when he rolls off the bed, so does Eren, landing with a hard thud.]

Shit, dude. What the hell was that?

What do you mean? You bit me!

[ Grumbling, but he's clearly not actually that irritated, pushing at the arm still around his neck. ]

And I'll bite you again.

[He makes an attempt at Jean's other shoulder.]

Knew there was a reason you turn into a dog!

[ No! He's not allowing this, ducking his shoulder down in an attempt to scramble away from Mr. Bitey over there. ]

inbox | labyrinthum

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good point for wrap?

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cw: casual canon-setting ableism

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We could probably wrap it here with them fighting lmao

:E

WELL I CAN'T LET THIS STAND

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