neighsaying: the window behind it is too small for it to go through. i'm impressed (Default)
Jean "it's good soup" Kirstein ([personal profile] neighsaying) wrote2023-12-08 12:11 am

inbox | [community profile] labyrinthum

INBOX (UN: OMNIDIRECTIONAL) text / audio / video / action This is Jean. Leave a message, and I'll reach back out when I'm available. [ Previously was thunderspear ] code credit
reviling: (but when it's over I'm still awake)

[personal profile] reviling 2024-06-25 05:34 am (UTC)(link)
His physical affections have always been brief, benign, but undeniably there. Maybe it had been all that he could afford, reaching out to people just enough to make a connection without imposing himself. An embrace left you vulnerable, a show of trust that didn't come easily for him at all, and not even with most people. Even with Erwin, they had never been so intimately, physically close until arriving here.

Perhaps, in a way, he's become accustomed to it enough now that the initial, flinching reaction to confinement is easier to redirect now.

Love and guilt and gratitude help, too.

Of course, Jean just doles out forgiveness, even though Levi had no intentions to even ask. His fingers curl a little, in fabric and sand-colored hair, and he huffs a little, a gentle rebuke.

"Doesn't matter," he grumbles lowly. "I hurt you - could've killed you - for nothing. It wasn't real."

If they'd been home Jean would be spending weeks recovering. It's a lucky thing for both of them that he didn't have to suffer long. Maybe there just wasn't time to let the event fester into resentment; although that doesn't mean it never could.

After a few more seconds, Levi loosens his hold, and starts to let his hands fall away. "Don't go hurting your back for me, either. It'll get harder to comfortably take a shit when you're older if you fuck it up now."
reviling: (072-11-1)

the parcel I immediately forgot about because I knew I would-

[personal profile] reviling 2024-06-25 03:43 pm (UTC)(link)
He holds his breath reflexively at the squeeze, giving Jean a couple of awkward pats that are more like taps with his fingers. There's still a little lingering tension even after he's released, a mixture of wary concern and being caught off guard with affection. The smile helps, though.

Levi clicks his tongue in mild disapproval as he follows Jean inside, the small package once again in hand.

"Told you brats not to do that, either. Well - you're still springy at your age, at least."

Although springing back from bad sleeping habits is easier than broken ribs...but at least they did have magic. Maybe that was in part why he'd been able to justify it, even under the thrall; Jean would've been able to get help quickly enough, and certainly someone seems to have patched him up probably not long after he'd left. Levi has to cling to the belief that his aim had only ever been to keep Jean from stopping him...but quietly, he isn't entirely sure that would've been the end of it, if pushed hard enough.

It's rarely made sense to puzzle out blame; so many of the tragedies they'd both lived through had far too many variables to ever fully attribute them all to one person or another, or pinpoint to a single decision.

Levi gazes at him quietly a moment.

"Yeah, you should have listened to my warning. But you didn't believe I would follow through."
reviling: (fine i'm listening)

something entirely predictable-

[personal profile] reviling 2024-06-26 09:11 pm (UTC)(link)
There's a brief moment of hesitation before he steps out of his loafers, toeing them neatly together near the others. Mikasa's slippers are still in place as though she's gone out for the day, and Levi likewise feels that twinge of absence. He should have spent more time with her. But when someone is gone suddenly, however much time you did have together will never seem like enough.

A bit of skepticism shifts into his expression. Not that he doubts Jean trusts him, but there's an obvious contradiction there; Jean didn't correctly calculate the chance that Levi would follow through, didn't, apparently, believe that he would go so far as to kill him if necessary. Usually, Levi prefers that - he'd rather Jean and anyone else close to him not have to be afraid that his monstrous strength would be turned against them.

Maybe it's a mistake here, though, when something could take control of that.

Still, it's a little funny that the younger man believed he could somehow outmaneuver him. Maybe four years on it would be a better possibility.

"Must have gotten slow in my old age," he mutters, padding after him into the kitchen. "You got too close. Keep your distance, next time."

He sets the parcel on the counter, nudging it towards Jean. It's a small box, wrapped in an indigo cloth. Inside is a set of four small tins, each with a small amount of tea - Jean's favorite, Eren's, jasmine, and Darjeeling.
reviling: (Chasing leaves in the wind)

[personal profile] reviling 2024-07-10 01:10 am (UTC)(link)
"...sounds likely." Him on the edge of decline, her coming upon her prime. Levi doesn't know that she'll be able to pin him down in his exhaustion on a roof he hasn't seen yet, hasn't felt the direct force of her strength in a most desperate contest. Even with a couple decades on him, Kenny had still given him a fucking run for his money. He'll never not be lethal, but compared to a younger Ackerman, he'd eventually lose.

"I'm sorry she's gone, too," he offers quietly. There hasn't been time to really think about it until now.

Jean snaps back some of the moroseness of the moment with...that.

Levi gives him a flat stare similar to one usually reserved for Erwin's inanities, but the corner of his mouth betrays him a little, twitching briefly.

"Yeah, something like that. Best I could do on short notice."
reviling: (fine i'm listening)

[personal profile] reviling 2024-07-22 04:33 pm (UTC)(link)
That recognition there is deeply appreciated underneath a shallow, meaningless surface annoyance; there's an easiness to his interactions with Jean now, in a way that few others seem to be able to do. Despite the miscalculation that led them both to this moment, Jean seems to have gotten to that point where he can understand the full meaning behind what Levi tries to convey, even (especially when) he does so clumsily.

It's nice to not have to work so hard at it.

Levi wants to argue that of course it's necessary, because he fucking stomped Jean's ribs in, but it'll start the previous exchange all over again. They both understand one another for now, and that's the important part...even if he'll go out of his way to avoid stepping on anything that could remind him of bones for a while. Maybe forever - we'll just have to see.

Levi notes Jean's selection and flicks a look at him after a moment.

"Have you been making this one much yourself lately?"
reviling: (11)

[personal profile] reviling 2024-07-29 11:17 pm (UTC)(link)
"Thought you might." Jean has a good sense for quality things, which Levi appreciates. He also might have brought it up because he figures Jean might have tried it for...other reasons. Ones that begin with a D and end with 'olph.'

He goes about measuring out the tea into strainers, strainers into cups, and then finally the water, which is now a perfect touch below boiling hot so as not to burn the leaves. If Jean has a timer of some sort nearby, he'll punch in four and a half minutes.

A few more moments pass before Levi picks up the conversation again. There's a bit of something not quite hesitancy or trepidation, but deeper than simple concern.

"Jean...I want to ask you about Eren."
reviling: (losing my patience)

[personal profile] reviling 2024-08-06 02:49 pm (UTC)(link)
Levi reaches for the hourglass and flips it. Electric things still get some amount of suspicion (except for the cleaning appliances), so he tends toward the mechanical options when possible. The little pastries get a look of interest - Jean really has been busy, it seems, and in a way it tingles a little bit more...hope, contentment, back into his chest. Eren will never truly settle, but at least, maybe, Jean still can. Maybe none of them ever really will, not fully; at least, Levi knows there is still more that he has to do, and it might feel strangely like betrayal to live as though it'll never happen.

Maybe.

He sees Jean tense, and that's almost all he needs to know; something tells him that it doesn't have anything to do with Eren's recent carelessness that got him stuck through the leg. That thought twists unpleasantly - they've both put him through a shit ton of unnecessary pain lately.

Levi feels his jaw tense, has to force himself to relax it before speaking again. His voice is even, as it usually is, but there's definitely detectable worry in his words and the crease of his brow.

"You're the only one of us aside from him who's experienced everything. I just want to know...what you think about how he's doing here. So much shit has happened in the last few months, and his behavior is changing." And yet in so many ways, it isn't. It's confusing and heartbreaking at once. "You told me before a little of what he was like before the rumbling. What do you see now?"
reviling: (085-28)

[personal profile] reviling 2024-08-15 08:07 pm (UTC)(link)
...it's the answer he'd expected, but even so, the confirmation doesn't ache any less. Levi feels that pit in his chest open wider, burrow deeper, and it seems fucking bottomless. He can only hold Jean's gaze for a heartbeat or two longer before his eyes draw away, resigned. Sorrowful.

Maybe in some way it should be a relief; that this was just how it would end up, no matter what any of them tried to do, including Eren. Maybe it should be freeing, to know that it wasn't that they'd fucked up only once, that in the end there isn't anything he could have done differently.

But he can't feel anything above the pull of that endless hole, swallowing hope.

"...I see." The words barely make it out, like glass in his throat.

It scrapes down as he swallows, fingers curling under his palm against the counter.

"So what will you do?" It's difficult, but not impossible to think that the bond between Jean and Eren now could be broken. This place has a funny way of reordering priorities, relationships...as small as it is.
reviling: (losing my patience)

[personal profile] reviling 2024-08-26 03:40 pm (UTC)(link)
There's no external reaction to that declaration, except for perhaps the way the steady sinking of his heart likewise continues to pull at his expression. So it might come to that (again), after all. The original task he'd accepted in that very first hour of meeting him, the sole condition of his survival: that if he ever becomes a real threat, Captain Levi, Humanity's Strongest, would be able to put him down.

It's something he's always been prepared to do, but hoped he never would. Levi still carries that hope, and he won't put it down unless Eren forces his hand. It's just becoming more and more likely that he will.

That, too, might be inevitable. Even Eren knows it, and he'll still do it.

Somnius isn't home; Erwin is home. Jean is home. Eren, too. Somnius is just the strange place they've all found themselves in and needed to build a life, for better or worse. Levi knows Eren would tear it down if he feels it's in the way of his freedom, if given the chance. But even disregarding his own wishes, there are other people here with no other chances than this, people who can find relative comforts here than they would otherwise - people who would die, all for Eren's personal wish fulfillment. That, more than anything, Levi can't allow to happen.

He also isn't ready to give up the things that he has now. He'll have the rest of his life to be without them and no memory of this place to hold onto then. Levi realizes that Eren will always see a cage no matter where he looks, but that doesn't mean everyone else is trapped with him, or must suffer his consequences.

After several long, quiet moments, Levi reaches and takes the other cup, raising it to his lips to take a careful sip. Tea here is still better most anything he could get his hands on inside the walls.

"You won't have to do it alone." Because he could never leave killing someone you love solely to Jean. His gaze returns to the younger man, deadly, achingly serious. "Eren was once my responsibility. If it comes to that, we'll do it together."
reviling: (all my heart bleeding on the floor)

end?

[personal profile] reviling 2024-09-10 09:33 pm (UTC)(link)
That memory is less further away for Levi than it is Jean; perhaps only Mikasa had been able to accept that reality so readily. He readily remembers that resistance, and later moving to full comprehension when that time so quickly came to pass. It is not a bad thing, to be resistant to killing another person, but their survival had depended on his young team being willing to do what's necessary.

Killing someone you care for, love, can feel even more unfathomable.

Jean doesn't have to say anything more; the weight of that understanding and shared burden passes easily between them. They both have held more than their fair share of pain in their lives, but also in this Levi is well adapted to carrying it. It'll never make it hurt any less, and some wounds will never heal. But it is something he knows he can do better than most. Much like violence. Much like killing.

If it's within his power to do it so someone else doesn't have to, he will. For Jean, it's never a question.

Eren is trying; even Levi can see it. Truthfully, he's never seen anyone more tenacious, perhaps outside himself. But it might not be enough.

Perhaps nothing will be.

He reaches to set a hand on Jean's shoulder (someday he'll grouse at how much they've all grown, even though the fact that he'll get to do that at all is precious in and of itself), and just offers a brief, affirming squeeze, gray eyes solemn and intent, before going back to his tea.