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Would it? You're one of the only people who understands what he's going through, you said it yourself. You know better than most what pitfalls you can fall into.

[ But, he doesn't want to make Reiner deal with that. ]

I'm not saying it's your responsibility, though. And it's okay. I'd rather you talk to me about this kind of stuff than not mention it. I don't want you to feel like you can't talk about it.

Our pain isn't more important than what you went through, either.

[ There is a delay before Reiner responds. A delay in which he just sits with those last words, reading and rereading them. Trying to soak them in. Trying to believe them.

It's hard to do so when he knows that he is the source of so much of their pain.

He types. Deletes. Types. Deletes. Finally: ]

Any pain I've experienced here is the selfish kind. It's fine.

[ He almost adds, "I'm fine." But he knows Jean would call out that lie in a heartbeat. So he continues, tentatively attempting to share more. To turn the focus away from pain. ]

This place is nice, you know? There's no shortage of housing. The walls are thick, so I don't have to watch every word I say. I don't have to dress a certain way to go outside. I haven't had to kill anyone.

I hope Eren can learn to see the good things. He's so fixated on walls that he's not looking at what's inside them.

There's always food, and the water is always hot when I have to take a shower. Hell, I can take a bath if I want to.

[ He takes a second to think over what he wants to say. ]

I don't want to fight or kill anyone, and I don't think Eren gets that. We've been fighting for so long now. We've killed so many people - people we thought were friends at one point. Mikasa and I made ourselves enemies of our home.

Compared to that.. fighting a ghost or whatever seems tame as a price for having all the things here. I want Mikasa and you to get a chance to be normal people. I want Eren to have a chance to be a dumb teenager.

[ It's a conspicuous placement, putting Reiner in the same category as his girlfriend. ]

Edited 2024-01-20 22:18 (UTC)

[ Conspicuous, indeed. Reiner has no idea what to make of it. Why not mention Levi or Hange instead? Both would make more sense than mentioning Reiner alongside Mikasa.

"Friends," Jean picked on that strange SLEEPR thing. Jean wants to be friends.

There's no hidden significance to Jean placing Reiner alongside his two partners. It's just because they're talking; that's all. Besides, this is Jean. If he were interested, he wouldn't be subtle about it. ]

Don't forget yourself, Jean. You deserve that chance, too.

[ There's a part of Jean that's tempted to deflect. Say that he hasn't had it as bad as the rest of them. He remembers Mikasa asking him to lean on her, though, so he consciously takes the idea of comparing their hurts and finding himself lacking, and pushes it away. ]

I'm trying. I'm teaching people how to cook instead of teaching them how to fight. I'm buying things for a home, instead of whatever is cheapest in case I have to leave it behind.

We bought scented soap. I didn't even know soap came in scents other than soap or rose.

Edited 2024-01-20 23:34 (UTC)

[ Reiner smiles as he reads that. The smile is as small as ever, but it's sincere. ]

Oh yeah? What scent did you pick?

I have two. One smells like sandalwood, the other one smells citrusy - it's lemon, apparently.

I alternate, since I can.

[ Sandalwood is only notable because Jean's mom used to send him sandalwood satchets, to keep with his clothes, so that he always smelled faintly like it at the start of the day. ]

That sounds nice. It keeps things fresh.

[ Maybe Reiner should look into scented soap. He still hasn't adjusted to smelling different without his Titan. It's weird to be so aware of his own scent. He doesn't enjoy it. ]

You're settling in pretty well, huh? You got a job at a bathhouse, right?

[ Potentially revealing that while he may not have commented, Reiner did see Jean's SLEEPR profile and a few responses. Given the picture Jean used, Reiner's curiosity was understandable—or so he thinks. ]

[ Wait until he learns about shampoo. Then nobody in Jean's house is safe. ]

It's fun. We got a mint one for Eren and Mikasa has lavender. And yeah, I figured I should get a job sooner rather than later. The bathhouse has been pretty nice, for the most part. You should stop by and get the whole experience sometime.

[ Mint for Eren. Lavender for Mikasa.

Reiner is happy for them. Truly, he is. ]

Maybe I will. [ But he has to ask: ] Bathing there doesn't have any weird side effects like at the hot springs, does it?

[ Jean laughs, even if it's a very valid question. ]

No, nothing like the hot springs that just opened up. It's a normal bathhouse - one side for guys, one side for girls, mixed spot in the middle. The owners told me the water's good for your hair and skin.

[ Once upon a time, Reiner would have preened at the idea of bathing in something good for his hair and skin. He'd flash a grin, flex a little, and make Bertholdt roll his eyes.

Now, Reiner is only thinking about how nice such a soak might feel. ]

All right. I'll check it out.

[ It's part of the spiel he's memorized for when people ask about the bathhouse while he's there. Thankfully, he didn't give the full sell to Reiner, nor did he need to whip out his 'nice' voice. ]

I'll be on the lookout. Don't disappoint me!

[ He also notes down when his next couple shifts are, so Reiner can stop by when he's there too. ]

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