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[ he smiles at that. this was more than he hoped for. ]

I'm just glad you like it. I've never really given gifts before.

That makes two of us.

[ At least, gifts that were purely for recreation. Jean had received plenty of things that were functional over the years, but even his own indulgences were small - art supplies, cologne, things like that.

It means a lot that Dolph thought of him and got him something like this. ]

I think you're doing a great job, though.

[ a little uncertain. ]

You truly think so?

[ a great job. him? ]

I do. I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it.

[ He reaches up to cup Dolph's face in his hands, giving him another small smile. ]

[ he wonders about that. alex had . . . said so many things. had he meant them? was it all a lie?

he's still afraid. he still thinks if he blinks, it'll just go away. ]

Do you always say what you mean?

I do. When I was younger, I was an asshole for - well, a lot of reasons, but I always spoke what was on my mind. For better or worse.

[ He gives Dolph a reassuring look. ]

I'm a little more diplomatic these days, but I don't like lying.

[ dolph relaxes a little. ]

Everyone I knew tried to hurt me. Betray me. It's . . . hard for me to trust anyone.

[ It's good to know his read on Dolph wasn't off. ]

You're trying, though. And, hey, I'm not going to get mad if you can't trust me right now. People need time for all different kinds of reasons.

[ He shifts his hands up a bit so that he can brush them through Dolph's hair. ]

It's not that I don't want to. I just — [ dolph struggles to get the words out before he gives up, frustrated with himself. ] — I just wonder if it's enough.

If it's enough?

[ He repeats Dolph's last words because he doesn't quite understand what he means by them. If trusting someone is not enough? Or if trying to trust them isn't enough. ]

[ that may have been too much. he doesn't need to ask if he's enough. he knows he's not. not for alex, not for anyone else. he shakes his head. ]

Nevermind.

Like you said, I'm . . . working on it.

[ Jean genuinely doesn't know what Dolph was asking, which is what results in Jean curling his fingers through some hair and tugging on it. ]

Hey - what did you mean? I want to know. So I can help.

I just . . . wondered if I was enough.

With all the shit in my life, it just doesn't seem worth it.

[ bitterly. ]

I'm not much of a person.

[ Oh, Dolph. It's a little clearer now, and Jean lets go of that hair to cup his face again. ]

I'm not going to try to tell you if you're a person or not. I can tell you that you're enough. You care about whether you are, if you're doing right by people - every monster I've ever met didn't care about that.

Maybe you used to think that, in the past ... like I used to. You don't anymore.

[ he's not a monster. he never thought that, though he does hold regrets over the actions of his past. dolph knows he can't be held accountable. he was a weapon. he was property. he was owned.

it helps though, to hear he's enough. maybe he doesn't need to worry. maybe he can just be.

maybe it'll be enough to banish alex's words from his head. I do love you but . . .

instead he leans against jean's touch, pressing their foreheads together. ]

I do like you. Very much.

Are you busy?

I'm not. What's up?

[ He's seen the post, but he hasn't been paying close attention - it feels like something he doesn't need to stick his nose into yet. ]

Where are you?

Just finished a shift at the bathhouse, so I should be home shortly.

I'll be in your room.

[ While her text didn't include any indication of anything positive or negative, Jean still worries a little bit. That's just how he is, and he makes sure to hurry his way home, arriving just a few minutes earlier than he'd be normally. The only indication he did anything other than walk is the heavier breathing.

He removes his shoes and jacket at the door, and then heads immediately for the bedrooms. That's really what raises the faint alarms in his head. Not her room, not the shared one; his, which is rarely used.

He knocks before he enters. ]

Mikasa? I'm home.

[ Mikasa is curled up, wrapped around the blankets on Jean's bed, with her face pressed into the fabric. When he arrives, her body twists a little as she gazes at him. She looks tired, exhausted, almost, and it's not from physical labour. That's not the kind of thing that affects her, especially not with her Ackerman strength.

It's emotional. ]

Welcome home.

[ It'd take a lot more than what this world can throw at them to exhaust her physically, and he knows that. His expression goes soft and worried when he sees her and when she speaks. ]

It's good to be home.

[ It is, and he means that. He steps over in only a couple strides and climbs onto the bed. He doesn't try to coax her out of the blankets - instead, he draws her into his arms, so she can lean against him. ]

What's going on?

[ Because something is, that much is obvious. ]

[ Mikasa turns a little, curling her body against his, pushing close and letting herself sink into his body. It feels safer, now, wrapped up with Jean - and with what happened... She can't really speak to Eren about it. It would be too much. ]

I had a conversation with someone. It was a lot.

[ Which sounds poor, actually, but the topic was a lot, not... Talking to someone... ]

[ Jean reaches up to brush some of her hair out of her face, and then continues the motion, gently stroking her head as he waits for her answer. He's used to it taking a bit for her to gather her thoughts, find the words.

He knows her well enough to discern it was the topic that distressed her. He thinks of Dolph's post and wonders if it was that. ]

Want to talk about it, or have you had enough of that?

[ No judgement. If she wants to just be held, he'll do that. ]

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after getting my face pushed in by an ice twink --

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text. ravenlocks. after her thread with dolph

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