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[ dolph falls silent for a moment. ]

I'm not sure. Livio had a lot of guilt. He wanted to go back. See if there was more he could do.

[ his guilt, his desire for atonement was always stronger than any feelings he could have for dolph. just like how alex's feelings for revolution was stronger. in the end, what could he do against that? ]

[Ah. Well, he shifts a little bit, running his fingers through Dolph's hair. ]

He was just that kind of guy, then... Loving someone like that, it's hard.

[ He should know. ]

Yeah.

I get it, even if the only thing I wanted was to be loved. To love and live.

I think that's what most people want. It's what I want.

[ His voice is soft. ]

I don't think you're wrong for wanting that. I don't think you won't ever get it, even if it feels like you won't.

[ his fingers brush against jean's bracelet for a moment. and he lets it go. instead dolph leans against jean. there are no happy endings for us, alex said once. he meant under eden, in the world they lived in.

but he wonders if alex fundamentally thought they just couldn't. had dolph not done enough? had he not loved him enough? and what of livio? couldn't he extinguish the guilt just for a little while?

there are no answers when someone's gone. ]

Tell me what you want.

[ The dead do not speak, and will remain silent. ]

It's not so different than you... I want someone to choose me over everyone else. Over their desire for revenge, or safety and duty, or someone else.

[ oh. he cradles jean's face for a moment, soaking it in. ]

. . . I want that too. More than anything.

[ He closes his eyes. Here, he finally admits something. ]

Here, I have what I want. At home... I was alone. Eren is gone forever, and she left us.

[ He wasn't, of course, truly alone; he has Connie, and Levi, Armin and Reiner and Annie. But it isn't the same as the two people he loved so much he would have accepted anything they could give him.

He tries not to be bitter about that. He knows Mikasa needs time, needs to mourn; how can she face the people who will hate Eren for the rest of his life?

But she still left them alone. ]

[ he wonders then and he can't help but ask. ]

If you have it all . . . do you still want me?

[ It's a fair question, though it does makes Jean open his eyes, looking at Dolph worriedly. Then he smiles, a little, and reaches up to curl his hands against Dolph's face, mirroring him. ]

I didn't say I had it all. Just what I wanted back home. I don't want to give you up either, and maybe that makes me selfish, but I don't care.

[ Let him be selfish, for once. ]

I wouldn't trade you for something or someone else at all.

[ that's what he needed to hear and he relaxes slowly, pressing a kiss to the pulse point on jean's wrist. ]

Neither would I.

[ He sighs softly. ]

I know I can't make promises about whether or not we'll end up back at home. But I'm not Alex, or Livio. You're important to me and no offer is going to change that.

Maybe it's better not to make promises.

[ he's not sure he could take it anyway. too many broken promises. ]

[ Jean smiles a little bit. ]

Then I'm just telling you - I'll choose you, if I get a choice.

[ dolph cradles his face before leaning in to kiss him softly. ]

[ Jean returns the kiss. He slips his fingers through Dolph's hair, closing his eyes. ]

I want to give you nice things. I want to make you happy.

[ He murmurs it against his lips. He doesn't say that Dolph is a good person, or that he deserves those things - just what Jean wants for him. ]

I . . . want to be happy.

[ he wants to know what that's like. he wants to hold onto it. he wants it to be real and not a lie. he just isn't confident in his ability to give it to others. to find the shape of it and hold it close. ]

I want you to be happy too.

Being with you makes me happy. I know that's sappy but - it's true.

[ A different way than Mikasa and Eren. With them, it's the chance he never had, to be with them. His attraction to Dolph isn't a last-chance longing. It developed on its own, through cooking lessons and gifts. He doesn't know a lot about Dolph, considering what he just learned; he wants to put in the effort to find out about it.

He wants him to be safe, but now he knows, like Eren and Erwin, that might never truly happen. ]

You don't have to be happy all the time, we both know that's not possible. But if I can make you smile or laugh... that's a good start.

Jean. I chose you because you do make me happy.

[ he takes jean's hand, squeezing the top of his knuckles. ]

And sappy is . . . fine. It's all new to me anyway. Which you've probably realized.

Oh. I mean, I thought so but -

[ It's different, to hear it. Mikasa has said it plainly too and it caught him off guard in the same manner. His smile goes from sad to a little happier, a little dopier. ]

It's not like there's a rulebook to this kind of thing. We just do what feels good.

[ dolph relaxes, relieved that jean is smiling. he knows he's not good at bringing out of people. ]

That sounds simple.

[ not bad, just . . . simple. can it really be like that? ]

[ Sometimes it isn't simple, and they both know that. Jean is determined not to be the downer here, so he smiles wider. ]

It doesn't need to be complicated.

. . . Okay.

[ he presses a kiss to jean's knuckles before laying his cheek upon them. ]

[ Jean lays his head down on his bed, so he can look at Dolph easier, still smiling. ]

Thank you - for giving me a chance.

[ dolph reaches out to comb his fingers through his hair with a hum. he feels that is his line. perhaps they're more similar than he thought, just making their way through.

maybe there's hope for dolph yet. ]

You're welcome.

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