neighsaying | inbox | labyrinthum

Yeah. Thank you, Jean.

[ Then, fair being fair: ]

Do you want me to change mine?

[ He's not getting a 'you're welcome' but, after a moment: ]

It doesn't really bother me. I spent so long in that last battle using you as a launch pad, after all.

If it bothers Eren, he hasn't mentioned it.

I can't call that last battle "fun." But you launching off of me like that could be fun under different circumstances. We made a good team.

I don't message Eren unless he contacts me first. If he didn't like it, I would've heard about it by now. He doesn't hold back.

It wasn't fun, but I felt safer whenever I was with you. So like I said, not really bothered. And we've always been a good team.

[ There's a reason Shadis didn't usually pair them up for practices. ]

He really doesn't. I feel like he's always ten seconds from running off to demand Vaeros fistfight him.

Edited 2024-01-20 18:33 (UTC)

[ Jean felt safer with him…?

It makes sense, but Reiner still has to take a moment to absorb it. To let himself smile (small as it may be), happy that he made his friend feel safer. ]

If Eren wouldn't start yelling about it restricting his freedom, I'd suggest a leash. (Joking.)

[ (Half joking.) ]

I can't understand why he objects to this world so vehemently. It's fine. It's better than where we came from.

Edited 2024-01-20 18:47 (UTC)

I thought about it.

[ Not remotely joking. ]

The worst part is he doesn't dislike the place, he just dislikes Vaeros keeping people here and making us ask for things. I can kind of understand that, but I'm trying to knock it into his thick head that sometimes you have to play by the rules instead of breaking them.

He seems to be getting it, a little. But I know he's still sneaking around talking shit about it.

Yeah. He is.

[ Jean gets two guesses why Reiner knows that Eren is talking shit. ]

There's always going to be someone higher up the ladder. In the Walls, it was your king. At home, it's your mom. In the military, it's your commanding officer. You don't get to choose any of those.

Eren isn't a brand new trainee. This concept is familiar to him. I don't get what makes Vaeros different. Is it just because this isn't our world?

[ Jean sees where Eren is coming from, though. He also understands what Reiner means, and it truly comes down to choice - or at least, the illusion of it. ]

Right now, to him, freedom is in choosing what he wants to do, and knowing the truth.

He doesn't know why Vaeros brought us here. He doesn't remember choosing to come here, either, if he did. None of us really do, though some remember more than others.

He wants the illusion of choice. When you turned twelve in Paradis, your options were the military, the fields, or getting an apprenticeship. Except most of us weren't going to get that apprenticeship, so you really had two options. You still got to choose, even if it wasn't really a choice.

Sure, you can rebel against your mother - I did all the time. But questioning your superior isn't the same situation. He can and will throw you out on your ass where your mom won't.

Does Eren think fist fighting Vaeros won't get him thrown on his ass? Or does he think Vaeros has the same patience for bullshit as a mother?

[ How many Eldians were sent to "heaven" for less? ]

Eren NEEDS to stay here. Why the hell is he rocking the boat?

Edited 2024-01-20 19:39 (UTC)

In truth I'm not sure Vaeros cares. He brought us here, he maintains the labyrinth, he was powerful enough to make us stop fighting at that masquerade. What's one or two guys trying to kill him?

He took your Titan away. He took Eren's titan away, too. Even if he gets those powers back, Vaeros could remove them just as quickly.

Less the patience of a mother, but more that we're just insects to him. Even if we've been invited here, he's watching us through the glass of the enclosure.

Don't try to tell me you've never swatted an irritating fly, Jean.

That's why I'm trying to keep him from being a nuisance, you know. I don't tend to kill flies that are minding their own business.

[ There's a pause. Then: ]

Maybe that leash is a good idea.

[ Less joking now. ]

I'm worried about him. I don't want him to do something stupid and compromise what he has here. I can't express that without pissing him off. I'm staying out of his way, but he keeps seeking me out.

I don't remember him acting this rebellious. He'd pick dumb fights with you, but he'd always get back in line. Is this something that happened after I left?

Edited 2024-01-20 20:26 (UTC)

You're telling me.

[ That's interesting, that Eren keeps seeking Reiner out. It makes sense, in a way; Eren always idolized Reiner. He had taken Annie and then Reiner's betrayals the hardest for that matter; he'd cared that Bertholdt had lied too, but it was different. ]

He's never seen you transform, here. He never had the fight we had at Wall Rose where you kidnapped him. He went straight from trusting you to having to believe you were the enemy. That was before he got the truth dumped on him, too. He's probably struggling with it...

[ The knowledge of Reiner is one that Jean gave to him, so he can't even get mad at Erwin for that one. ]

He's from when everyone called him Humanity's Only Hope. Maybe it went to his head and it hasn't had a chance to get knocked out. But he promised me and Mikasa he'd be 'better' than his future self, here.

At least he only knows the bare facts. That's better than the details or the memories.

It would be better for him if he avoided me.

[ And yet, Reiner has deliberately left that decision in Eren's hands. ]

I understand part of what he's going through. We thought we were heroes, too. I know what it can do to you when you figure out it's not true.

[ Another pause. Then: ]

I didn't mean to get into all this. I was initially texting to see how you're holding up in this weather.

Would it? You're one of the only people who understands what he's going through, you said it yourself. You know better than most what pitfalls you can fall into.

[ But, he doesn't want to make Reiner deal with that. ]

I'm not saying it's your responsibility, though. And it's okay. I'd rather you talk to me about this kind of stuff than not mention it. I don't want you to feel like you can't talk about it.

Our pain isn't more important than what you went through, either.

[ There is a delay before Reiner responds. A delay in which he just sits with those last words, reading and rereading them. Trying to soak them in. Trying to believe them.

It's hard to do so when he knows that he is the source of so much of their pain.

He types. Deletes. Types. Deletes. Finally: ]

Any pain I've experienced here is the selfish kind. It's fine.

[ He almost adds, "I'm fine." But he knows Jean would call out that lie in a heartbeat. So he continues, tentatively attempting to share more. To turn the focus away from pain. ]

This place is nice, you know? There's no shortage of housing. The walls are thick, so I don't have to watch every word I say. I don't have to dress a certain way to go outside. I haven't had to kill anyone.

I hope Eren can learn to see the good things. He's so fixated on walls that he's not looking at what's inside them.

There's always food, and the water is always hot when I have to take a shower. Hell, I can take a bath if I want to.

[ He takes a second to think over what he wants to say. ]

I don't want to fight or kill anyone, and I don't think Eren gets that. We've been fighting for so long now. We've killed so many people - people we thought were friends at one point. Mikasa and I made ourselves enemies of our home.

Compared to that.. fighting a ghost or whatever seems tame as a price for having all the things here. I want Mikasa and you to get a chance to be normal people. I want Eren to have a chance to be a dumb teenager.

[ It's a conspicuous placement, putting Reiner in the same category as his girlfriend. ]

Edited 2024-01-20 22:18 (UTC)

[ Conspicuous, indeed. Reiner has no idea what to make of it. Why not mention Levi or Hange instead? Both would make more sense than mentioning Reiner alongside Mikasa.

"Friends," Jean picked on that strange SLEEPR thing. Jean wants to be friends.

There's no hidden significance to Jean placing Reiner alongside his two partners. It's just because they're talking; that's all. Besides, this is Jean. If he were interested, he wouldn't be subtle about it. ]

Don't forget yourself, Jean. You deserve that chance, too.

[ There's a part of Jean that's tempted to deflect. Say that he hasn't had it as bad as the rest of them. He remembers Mikasa asking him to lean on her, though, so he consciously takes the idea of comparing their hurts and finding himself lacking, and pushes it away. ]

I'm trying. I'm teaching people how to cook instead of teaching them how to fight. I'm buying things for a home, instead of whatever is cheapest in case I have to leave it behind.

We bought scented soap. I didn't even know soap came in scents other than soap or rose.

Edited 2024-01-20 23:34 (UTC)

[ Reiner smiles as he reads that. The smile is as small as ever, but it's sincere. ]

Oh yeah? What scent did you pick?

I have two. One smells like sandalwood, the other one smells citrusy - it's lemon, apparently.

I alternate, since I can.

[ Sandalwood is only notable because Jean's mom used to send him sandalwood satchets, to keep with his clothes, so that he always smelled faintly like it at the start of the day. ]

That sounds nice. It keeps things fresh.

[ Maybe Reiner should look into scented soap. He still hasn't adjusted to smelling different without his Titan. It's weird to be so aware of his own scent. He doesn't enjoy it. ]

You're settling in pretty well, huh? You got a job at a bathhouse, right?

[ Potentially revealing that while he may not have commented, Reiner did see Jean's SLEEPR profile and a few responses. Given the picture Jean used, Reiner's curiosity was understandable—or so he thinks. ]

[ Wait until he learns about shampoo. Then nobody in Jean's house is safe. ]

It's fun. We got a mint one for Eren and Mikasa has lavender. And yeah, I figured I should get a job sooner rather than later. The bathhouse has been pretty nice, for the most part. You should stop by and get the whole experience sometime.

[ Mint for Eren. Lavender for Mikasa.

Reiner is happy for them. Truly, he is. ]

Maybe I will. [ But he has to ask: ] Bathing there doesn't have any weird side effects like at the hot springs, does it?

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