neighsaying | baby you make me crazy

We should talk.

[It’s been quite a while since they have in any fashion other than passing.]

[ After getting rip-roaringly drunk with Marco and scrolling through Facebook pictures, he had resolved that he needed to talk to Eren and Reiner. In the process of working up to it, though, it seems Eren has beaten him to the punch. ]

Yeah, we need to. Are you free today?

[Asshole. Of course he’s already figured it out on his own. Eren feels sick.]

Yeah. I’m free now.

Okay. Do you want to meet somewhere or should I come to you? I don't want to make things difficult.

[ For Eren or the baby. But that's a fun hint: Jean has never cared about whether something was difficult or not. ]

[Since when do either of them care if anything is difficult? The consideration only makes the guilt worse. Is Jean putting on his Dad pants already?]

We can meet somewhere.

[He doesn’t really want to. It will be the first time he’s left Ymir’s side since she was born. But they should talk first…Who knows if Jean even wants to see her?]

Just tell me where to go.

[ He's trying!! ]

How about [here]? Shouldn't be too busy this time of day.

[ The location he suggests is a coffee shop, one that they've never been to at the same time, at least. Their normal locations to meet - before Eren realized he was pregnant - were other's houses for parties. If they weren't there, it'd be something like a bar, or a strip club.

In fact, it's going to be a little strange to see each other at a coffee shop at all. Jean sucks it up regardless and drives over, ordering a coffee for himself as he waits. He's not dressed any differently than he normally would be - slacks, a vest, a button up shirt and a jacket to fight the chill of the weather. ]

[There’s a simple thumbs up sent in reply. A coffee shop. Not exactly fitting for them, but that’s all in the past now.

[The last time he was alone with Jean, well…that’s what started this whole thing.

[Eren makes no show of dressing up, which he might have if it were a bar or a strip club. He used to like to look good, especially if he knew he’d be seeing Jean. As it is, he’s a new father of a one month old and running on very little sleep - so, jeans and a baggy hoodie it is, hair pulled up in a messy bun.

[Jean’s already there when he walks in. Will laying eyes on him never cease to take Eren’s breath away?

[Rather unceremoniously, he slides into the seat across from him.]

Hey…

[Jean, Jean, Jean Kirstein, feet away from him. He wants nothing more than to be wrapped up in his arms. Instead he stares at the table with a frown, knuckles tapping idly on the surface.]

You already know what I’m here for, I guess.

[ Objectively, Eren doesn't look that good. He's tired and not dressed up at all - but Jean has always been attracted to Eren no matter what. Even in a messy bun and baggy hoodie - likely to hide what's left of pregnancy weight - Jean thinks he looks gorgeous. He wants to take his hands and kiss him until he's flushed.

Things he might have tried, before. Now he keeps his hands tightly on the cup of coffee as he looks at Eren, who doesn't look at him. ]

Hey.

[ This isn't about their relationship, or lack therof at the moment. Jean knows he chose Reiner, whatever his feelings are about this. This is about Ymir, the little girl with his eyes and his hair in all the new baby pictures on Eren's timeline. ]

I think I do. [ He's quiet for a moment, taking a deep breath to gird himself. ] She's - [ Not his. If he says that he knows Eren will get defensive. Nobody can own a child, first off, but Jean also wasn't there through all of Eren's pregnancy. He clears his throat. ]

She's from when we were together, isn't she.

[Eren’s pregnancy affected him in countless ways. Jean’s right about the weight, and not taking testosterone for the last ten months has made his voice slightly higher. Postpartum hormones have his emotions all in a scramble, and he’s gotten terrible at hiding them. When Jean starts with “she’s,” all he can think is…

[“Perfect.” “Beautiful.” “The best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

[And his throat goes tight with emotion.]

She’s yours…

Ours.

But…[He looks at Jean, finally. His eyes are misty, which frustrates him.]

She’s Reiner’s too. That’s her dad…too.

That can’t change…

[After a moment.]

He knows. And he’s okay with that…

[ Where before Jean might have vollied something unkind about Reiner, he nods instead. His expression is pinched, but goes a little soft around the eyes. However Ymir affects Eren, Jean obviously has some attachment even having never met her. ]

I figured. I don't... I don't want to screw things up for the three of you.

[ His voice sounds raw, and it's probably the most honest he's ever been. He's glad Reiner already knows. That saves him one awkward conversation. ]

I just... want to be a part of her life.

[ And he takes another deep breath, because this is how far he went to show Eren he means it. ]

I cancelled my trip. I figured you - we - would need the funds for her. There's no way I'm going away for a year when she's this young, either. If... if I can help.

[ If you'll let me. ]

[Eren’s brow pinches. He sits back in his seat a bit, staring at Jean. He looks…somewhat shocked.]

You’re not going?

[ He's right to. Jean's not shut up about it for almost an entire year - he teased Eren about how the other would miss him while he was in France, during that fateful final encounter. His facebook is - was - plastered with plans and locations he wanted to visit. It's one of the things his mother had actually been investing time with him on.

Jean doesn't look upset about it, though, and shakes his head seriously. ]

The money's useful but she's... she's barely a month old. I want to help, and if I want, I can always take the trip when she's older.

[Eren feels his mouth contorting to the side as he listens to Jean speak. Dammit. Don’t start crying now. It’s not just relief that Jean won’t be so far away - an idea that killed Eren. He wants to be here for Ymir - not fuck off to some other country like—-

[Well, like Grisha so often tended to do, hiding another family from Eren and Carla.]

I’m not going to keep her from you. [His voice is shaky. Fuck.]

I wouldn’t do that. She deserves to know her father.

[There’s a pause.]

You deserve it too. And she needs you…

[ Jean hasn't consciously thought of that, in all honesty. He's heard some of what Grisha did - he knows he hid an entire second family, knows that he was gone for long periods of time because of it.

Jean wants to be there for Ymir, though. He hates how much things just seemed to turn upside down as soon as he saw her face. Suddenly partying and travelling the world seemed less important than making sure he could be there for that little girl. Marco had only patted his back when he'd drunkenly cried to him about it with a knowing look. ]

I really want to see her.

[ He's not asking for today; he figures Eren might want Reiner there, and he has no idea if Reiner's with Ymir right now or if someone else is watching her. ]

It feels like things just... changed when she was born.

[ Things changed before, of course - Eren breaking things off solidly with Jean, and Jean being a pissy baby about it in retrospect. It hadn't mattered until he saw her, though. ]

Oh, yeah. [Eren nearly laughs, but has to wipe a tear from one of his eyes. His expression is one of disbelief. He shakes his head.]

Everything’s different now. Everything.

[But it’s a good thing. It’s such a profound, amazing, beautiful thing. The entire nine months he doubted his ability to take to parenting, but all it took was holding her, and now…]

You should see her. You can. Right now if you want.

[Because God - Eren’s only been away from her for 30 minutes and he feels like all his limbs are missing.]

She’s just at home. With Reiner.

He…wants you to be a part of this too.

I'm glad you had him with you - for the whole thing, I mean.

[ That's almost unheard of from Jean. He's never hated Reiner but he's never really liked him, either. But without Reiner, Eren would have been alone. Jean can give him the props for it.

All the petty bullshit about Reiner feels so... hollow, now. He's well aware he's still capable of petty bullshit, of course, but that's hardly the kind of thing he wants to hold against Ymir's parents. ]

And ... I'd love to see her. If he's okay with me dropping by.

[ He hesitates for a moment. ]

Do you ... want me to grab you two some coffee? You look like you could use it, so he probably could too.

[Everything really is different, isn't it? Eren's felt himself slowly changing over the past ten months, but he hadn't expected Jean to do the same. He's glad Eren wasn't alone - doesn't seem all that bitter about it as far as Eren can tell. Eren was bitter. Angry at Jean for things that both of them were complicit in, angry at himself, angry that not losing Reiner meant never getting to feel Jean's arms around him again...

[Jean's kindness is hard to swallow. It would almost be easier if he were angry, fed up, ready to cut all three of them out of his life forever. Then Eren wouldn't have to feel his heart reaching across the table like this. He wants them both. Fuck. Hasn't he always? Having Jean around will be hard. Sharing a child with him without being able to kiss him, hold him, lie with him - it feels impossible to imagine. But it's what they have to do. It's what they will do. For her.]

It's like I said, Jean...

Reiner wants you to be a part of this. We've already talked about it.

He knew you might come back with me. It's...how it should be.

[As for the coffee...]

We'd take coffee. Yeah. [He tries to smile - can't quite get there. He looks positively exhausted.]

Don't sleep much these days.

[ Jean was angry when Eren stopped talking to him. When he had his suspicions about Eren's due date, he told himself he didn't care. The last thing he wanted to deal with was a kid, and if Eren wanted to keep it and play house with Reiner, fine.

Like he told Eren, all of that changed seeing her. He's still angry, still a little resentful of not being told until it was undeniable. He's doing his best to do the patented Kirstein trick, though; shove it down and don't deal with it, and hopefully it'll go away.

It is going to be hard, when all he wants to do is wrap his arms around Eren and kiss him. Brush his hands through his hair and tell him to get some rest, he'll take care of things. He can't do that. He can do what he can - which is offer to take care of Ymir.

She deserves it. ]

I ... shit, he's doing a lot for this. For her.

[ He doesn't know if he'd be as kind, if it had been Reiner's kid Eren was knocked up with. ]

I'll get you guys something. What's he normally get?

[ Jean did enough morning after runs for Eren to know what he takes. Reiner he'd normally guess at, but here he is making an effort again. ]

I'm not sure if you get it...[When he says this, his voice is just a bit quieter than it was before - but his expression is dead serious, staring Jean down.]

Ymir is Reiner's daughter. She's always going to be. You need to know that.

[And he'll wait for that to be addressed before worrying about coffee orders.]

[ Jean frowns a little bit - not because he disagrees, but because he's not trying to be dismissive of Reiner. ]

I know. I'm not trying to steal his place, I just... I don't know if I would have felt the same, the other way around.

[ There, he's admitted his unkind thought, if Eren needs it. ]

But he's been there for both of you, she's his daughter. I get it.

Edited 2024-03-03 01:34 (UTC)

Yeah...

[No, Eren...gets it. He frowns, mouth jerking to the side a bit. He has to glance away again, pretending to read one of the decorations on the walls.]

Reiner's a good guy.

There shouldn't be a...place to steal, though.

Just...two different places. For you two...

[ It really is sobering to think about, now that he's said it out loud. If Ymir was Reiner's, would they even be having this conversation? Or would Jean still be set to leave for France in two months, finally trying to move past Eren. ]

Yeah, he is. She's just gonna have three dads... it's not any weirder than when Marco finally settles down.

[ Three dads and one mom. ]

Anyway I'll ... go get the coffees. You drove, right?

What, you think I walked here? [Can't be all nice...]

Ma said she started exercising as soon as she could after I popped out.

[ He! Shrugs! He doesn't know how vain Eren still is right now. ]

[At this, Eren raises an eyebrow, apparently perplexed (and not non-judgmental).]

How? I don't have time for that kinda shit. Ymir needs me.

[He, of course, doesn't stop to consider how a comment like that might make Jean feel.]

[ It's clear that something passes behind Jean's eyes - but whatever it is, he doesn't let it stick. He waves a hand. ]

I mean, you remember how she is.

[ Gone all summer. As soon as she was back, fussing over Jean's pierced ears and how they made him look, only speaking to him in French when he started learning. A woman concerned with appearances more than care. ]

[That's right...Eren frowns.]

Well...I don't want to be like that.

[And then, he can't help it - he thinks of Ymir and it's just pure fondness. He's still not much of a smiler, but when it comes to her...well, the corners of his mouth lift just a little.]

You'll get it when you see her. This is the first time I've left her side since she was born. Feels like my...arms are missing or something.

She's...completely perfect in every way.

[Has Eren ever spoken about someone like that? Not in a million, trillion years.]

I don't wanna be like that either. It's why I cancelled the trip.

[ To some degree Jean loves his mother and will always want to try to connect to her. He also understands that her love is unfortunately conditional. It's why he hasn't updated his facebook to reflect the cancelled trip - it's gonna cause a world of shit.

The almost-smile on Eren's face though... it's sweet. ]

She looks unbearably cute. Even right after she was born.

[ And he KNOWS that was endorphins talking, she really was just a pile of mashed potatoes but whatever. ]

[Oh yeah. That baby looked like canned yams when she was born, and Eren knows it. He didn't care though - cried harder than she did, honestly, and Reiner was a mess too. He wonders how Jean will react when he actually gets to hold her...]

Look. [While they're waiting for the coffee, Eren dares to take a step closer to Jean - forever in orbit, these two, and maybe it doesn't have to be broken, just...different. He pulls out his phone and a picture from that morning in her crib. It hasn't been posted yet.]

[ He might cry. He's fully prepared to, when he sees green eyes that look like his and her dark blonde, wavy hair. After ordering, when Eren pulls out the phone, he leans in to look at it.

Before, he might have slung an arm around Eren or slid his hand low on his back. This time, he sticks his hands into his pockets, presumably to keep from doing just that, but their shoulders brush. ]

She's cute. ... Is that a wolf cub onesie?

Yeah. My mom's been going crazy on the grandma thing. She's got all sorts of animals for the next year picked out...

[This is the closest they've come to touching - just that little brush of shoulder - in almost a year. Eren feels like an addict bound to relapse, as he has so many times before. But he stays where he is. He doesn't pull himself into Jean like he wants to.

[It'll hurt forever, won't it?]

[ It might. But Eren was right about one thing - Reiner is her father. And he knows how much Grisha cheating on his mother hurt him. If there's one thing Eren probably won't do, it's that.

Jean can respect that by not trying to tempt him. He doesn't lean any closer. He pulls away after a moment, standing up straight. ]

That's the kind of thing your mom was always excited about. I wouldn't be surprised if she's got the next five years picked out.

[ Because of course Jean knows Carla Jaeger enough for that. In some ways, he likes her better than his own mom. Jean's name is called for the coffee, and he breaks away to get them, handing Eren's off to him when he returns, careful not to brush their fingers together. ]

I'll, uh, follow you to the house?

Edited 2024-03-03 02:43 (UTC)

[He wishes their fingers would brush. He wants to be devoured.

[But, instead, he just takes the coffees and nods.]

Yeah. I'll see you there.

[This is a good thing, he reminds himself. It hurts like a hell he'll never wake up from, but it's a good thing. Ymir will have her fathers - all three of them. That's what matters now.

[Driving home feels urgent, but Eren tries not to beat Jean too badly. He just wants to see her again - touch her, smell her, kiss her head. Jean will get his chance, but when they get there, Eren's taking her first. Just for a second...

[It's hard to wait by the front door until Jean pulls up, but he manages, somehow; he's clearly antsy, though, flexing his hands at his sides as he waits.]

[ Jean pulls up, leaves his mostly-finished coffee in the car and takes Reiner's out to hand off to the man. Eren is waiting by the door, looking a bit like a junkie without his fix.

He doesn't linger, heading to the steps and following Eren up. The door opens before either can knock; it's Reiner, with Ymir in one arm. Reiner looks tired, and Ymir looks like she might have been crying recently. Separation anxiety a voice like his mother's whispers, and he banishes it.

Kids and their parents are supposed to spend a lot of time together. Yes, he did look this up. He waits for Reiner to hand Ymir off, before he offers the coffee in greeting. ]

[Eren's never been one to put much care into anything that he does. He's always been reckless, nearsighted, impossible to control; he's a storm that people get swept up in until all they can do is wait for it to blow over. There's nothing gentle about him, really, even when he's at his softest, his most vulnerable - moments that Jean has seen many times.

[When he takes Ymir into his arms, he looks like an entirely different person. His touch is exceptionally gentle, and he murmurs to her, voice low:] Why were you crying, cariña?

[For a moment, it's just them, Eren focused entirely on Ymir, who settles immediately in his arms. He glances briefly over his shoulder at Jean and nods for him to follow he and Reiner into the house. No new people holding his baby where they could drop her.

[He waits until they can sit on the couch to (reluctantly) hand her over.]

Support her head...

[ It is a sight to behold, and it makes Jean stare at him. Reiner is too, to be fair, though his expression is more fond and loving than the surprise that crosses Jean's face.

Reiner follows Eren into the house, and Jean follows the both of them. Privately, jealously, he notes they work well together for this - Reiner is checking over Eren, and despite the little girl obviously missing her father, he took good care of Ymir while Eren was gone.

He gingerly and a little awkwardly sits next to Eren; Reiner takes a different seat across from them both. He knows he doesn't need to worry - if Eren doesn't trust Jean to have hold of Ymir, Eren won't let her go.

Despite this being the very first baby Jean's really held, though, he listens to Eren's instructions, keeping an arm around her the way they had and supporting her head. She's even more beautiful up close, and the features that are Jean's are even more undeniable up close. She might have Eren's green eyes and complexion, but it's Jean's hair, and the same eye shape he had as a baby. ]

She's so small...

[ That's not a complaint. His voice gets a little choked up, and his eyes misty, when he's looking at her, even if he has to adjust his hold when she squirms, looking at him. ]

[Eren is a little hesitant to let go, but that could have been said for handing her over to Reiner the first couple weeks of her life too. He hovers close, watching her, watching Jean - the two of them are watching each other.

[Idly, he says:]

Try squeezing her out and then say that…

[But Jean is right. She’s impossibly small - tiny nose, tiny fingers, tiny everything. She’s grown a lot in a month, but even so…]

She looks just like you, Jean…

[He reaches out with his finger, which Ymir immediately wraps her little hand around. He smiles - no one can make him smile like her.]

Hey, Mimita. That’s your dad…

Edited 2024-03-03 08:08 (UTC)

Yeah, but she's got your eyes.

[ Even like this, brilliant bright green eyes are peeking up at her father, gurgling happily as she curls a tiny hand around his finger. Jean holds her very carefully, and it's probably obvious to Reiner first that he's holding back tears, for some reason.

He doesn't know why; he didn't care until he saw her, and he cried on Marco. There's just something about her that pulls at something in him. It's not even that she's Eren's, too, it's that she us. He wants to keep her safe, protected. He can't imagine using her as a prop about how perfect her family is.

Maybe that's what he's crying about. For the little boy dutifully learning French at his mother's heel despite it never closing that gap for him. He's not going to be that kind of person for Ymir. ]

Sorry, sorry - you might need to take her back for a second.

[ The waterworks are starting, and he'll be damned if he sobs so hard he hurts her. ]

[ They're still figuring things out, the three of them - how this relationship works. Jean and Reiner are new to each other, still testing out boundaries. Jean and Eren, though... it's a bit like coming home. So used to being in each others spaces, it felt more awkward to stand apart than it did to fall back together.

They're still trying to make space, for Reiner, though. It's been a long day for the man, though, and he's out cold from work. When the baby starts crying, it's Jean and Eren who jerk themselves awake.

The bed's not quite big enough for three full grown men all over six feet tall, but they make it work. Jean mutters something incoherent before he really gets awake, using a hand on Reiner's chest to push himself up. Eren whispers that he'll get Ymir and Jean nods tiredly.

Ymir's teething. Screaming and crying at odd hours is the thing right now, and Jean's job, since Eren took getting her out of the crib, is to heat up something warm for her. Both of them sleep light, Reiner a little heavier; considering he had a full shift, neither tries to wake him for now.

Jean takes his boxer-clad self into the kitchen - three men in one bed gets warm - after he steals Reiner's bathrobe, knowing there will be a chill in the apartment kitchen. He finds the milk formula they've been using and starts mixing it, blinking sleep out of his eyes to follow the directions and then heat it up in the microwave, making sure to test it against the inside of his wrist. A little colder is better than too hot, after all.

By the time he gets it right, Eren is bringing in a calmed but whimpering Ymir to the kitchen, and Jean hands the bottle over to him with the silence of a tired and concerned parent. Without really thinking about it, his hand comes up to rest in the small of Eren's back, fingers splayed over it protectively. ]

baby you make me crazy

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i can handle npcing reiner!

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